Choosing a Donor

When I was out with the ladies, they assured me that using a reputable bank and paying a little more was well worth it. They also said choosing a donor is very overwhelming.  The Donor Bank that I am using does very detailed checks on each of their donors and only accepts the best.   I feel confident that whomever I choose, it will be good!  So, I get onto their webpage and start browsing.  Let's start with the fact that I definitely want an open donor.  That cuts my choices in half,  but it is that important to me.  I would like someone who resembles my family members, since this child will be a part of 1/2 of their family tree....my half.   And if I could have a blue eyed child, like myself and my adorable niece and nephew....that would be pretty cool...but not totally necessary :)   So I put in my criteria.... and....come up with 8 choices out of 100's!!!!  I thought this was going to be overwhelming!  Well....this was just the beginning.  There are pages and pages of info about each donor...right down to great aunt Vera's high blood pressure!!  After watching Chad die of cancer, I definitely did not want to choose a donor that had cancer in the family.  I connected with 4 of those donors on a personal level.  I put them in my favorites.  I visited them often.  After a month of this, I upgraded so I could see their baby pictures.  WOooo!  That changed everything!  As it turns out, one of the guys looked a bit like my one brother and the other like the other.  One of them reminded me of Chad (in personality) and then the choosing got hard.  Eventually I felt like I just needed to pick which one I felt best with in my gut.  I ended up choosing a guy who said he hated stepping on bugs and that he usually catches them in the house and relocates them outside. That is EXACTLY what I do.  He is also a biker and very active,  so I just felt this connection that I needed to feel to choose a donor.  So.....next step.....first day of my February/March cycle....make the call and go in and see if it is a good month to start.   This included an ultrasound to look at my follicles are going to ovulate.  Now I just wait!!  Getting anxious :)

Making the First Move....Calling the Fertility Clinic

Is this really happening?  Did I just really dial that phone number?  Even though I am 100% sure I want children, this all feels really weird.  I have read other posts from women who have gone down this road and I felt validated that my feelings were completely normal.  We all felt like this was not our #1 choice, but if we were going to achieve our dreams of becoming mothers, it was now or never.  Thinking of my friends who have had unplanned pregnancies, I know each and every one of them would not change what happened to them.  They had different plans for life too, but life happened and they didn't regret it for one second!  Once they held their own child, the thought of that child not being in their life is hard to imagine.  I know this is how I will feel, but now there are so many unknowns.  I imagine with the fertility in my family that I will be pregnant the first try, but I have prepared myself not to have that much success, so I won't be disappointed.  Only time will tell.

The women on the other end answered the phone.  Yikes.  I begin to talk.  Who is that talking? It sounds like me....this is really happening.  The hardest part of this journey was accepting the path I was ready to take and making that first phone call.  My friend Sharon asked if she could join me at my initial appointment and I gladly accepted!  Thankfully, because even though you are listening to every word the nurse practitioner is saying, you are so overwhelmed with information that you cannot possibly remember everything.  A week later I was still texting Sharon with questions that she was easily able to answer!  My lady friends rock my world!!!!

After the appointment there was much to do.  Firstly, I needed to get ALL sorts of tests to see what my chances were of getting pregnant.  To my delight, and to the envy of all women with fertility challenges, I had 15 healthy follicles.  I am a great candidate for IUI.  My hormone levels were above what they needed to be and as usual, I felt smug as I am typically an overachiever.  It brought me back to my grad school days when I strove for straight A's....successfully (except for that darn A-, Amy!!!)  Part of me felt this incredible relief, as the other part of me thought of my sister-in-law and other friends who would smile and be happy for me, but perhaps may want to punch me right in the eye for my great fertility(though I am realistic...I haven't actually gotten pregnant yet!)  I made myself a promise that I would not gloat, only to myself. :)

Next step,  choosing a donor......

Venturing Into Single Parenthood of My Own Volition: The Reasoning Behind My Decision.

Is this how I pictured my life? Is this how I dreamed it would happen? No. But this is my new normal.  Like most people, Plan A was to get married and have a family. Life was happening when I was busy making plans. Unfortunately my husband Chad is not here to share this with me. He passed away when I was 36. I am turning 40 in a few months and I told myself after Chad passed away that if I got to this point in my life and was not in a relationship, this would be my new path. Life would not be the same without experience parenthood and it is a dream I have had since childhood.  The time is now.  I have no delusions that this will be easy. I know there will be times that I question my sanity (I watched myself go slowly insane due to lack of sleep as I cared for my dying husband). I know it will be hard... But I know it is possible. There are women in my life that I admire for navigating single parenthood with amazing grace. My friends Tara, Kathy and Amy  to name a few. They will be my inspiration through this process. I am also blessed to have a strong support system that I am sure I will depend upon!! So, let the journey begin!

BTW, SMBC stands for Single Mom by Choice.  But, if you google SMBC, you find Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.  Funny!!!!